YOU CAN’T FIND ME IN THE CLUB…Because I’ll be at the movies!

If you want to know what are my top 25 most anticipated films of the rest of 2012, hit the break.

But keep in mind, I generally like my movies big, with guns and capes and aliens and boobs and all that kinda obnoxious stuff.  You’ll find a few smaller flicks here—like the one about the origin of the vibrator—but mostly, this is for manly movies!

But I’m sure you knew that.

Hit the break.


These are in the order in which I can’t wait to see them, with #30 being curious and interested and #1 being ready to break any and all speed limits to get to the theater.  There are twenty five in this top 10, because I’m sure a third of them won’t actually end up being all that good….

Bubbling under the list:

  • Dark Shadows (May 11).  I wasn’t a big fan of the 1970s vampire soap opera on which this was based, but it’s Tim Burton and Johnny Depp so the odds are strongly in favor of this being amazing.  Plus, it’s got Hit Girl.
  • Savages (July 6th).  It’s Oliver Stone, which usually means it’ll be very good.  I’ve liked pretty much everything he’s ever done.  However, the preview makes this movie about a violent war between pot growers appear pretty formulaic.
  • The Dictator (May 4).  Initial previews on the latest Sascha Baron Cohen movie looked pretty bad, but subsequent ones make it look better.  His scripted stuff is never as good as his guerilla comedy, but we’ll see.  Could be very nice.  Very nice.

25.  Men in Black 3 (May 25).  The sequel was bad, but I trust Will Smith.  Kind of.  Hancock was pretty crappy, too.  My spider sense is tingling for this one.

24.  Battleship (May 18).  It looks big, brash, loud and stupid.  Just like I like my women.

23.  Taken 2 (October 5).  The first one was great.  But a sequel?  This smells like Speed 2.  But I’ll buy into it, since Luc Besson wrote it and Liam Neeson is still the star.

22.  Red Dawn (November 2).  A remake of the film about the USSR invading Ohio.  Yes!

21.  Seven Psychopaths (November 2).  Woody Harrelson in a crime film featuring Colin Farrell centering around a kidnapped dog.  It’ll be either great, like Get Short, or horrible, like all those films that tried so hard to be like Get Shorty.

20.  47 Ronin (November 21).  I am more psyched to read the Dark Horse/Stan Sakai comic book about this ancient Japanese legend, but a film starring Keanu Reeves could be good.  Or not.  But I’m very curious

19.  One Shot (December 21).  Directed by Christopher “Way of the Gun” McQuarrie and starring Tom Cruise and Robert Duvall in the first film based on the Jack Reacher crime novels.  This has the potential to be amazing.  Or stupid.  But I usually dig Cruise movies.  Even if it’s not “cool” to admit that.

18.  Ruby Sparks (July 25).  This will probably be a “cute” one.  It’s about a writer who envisions the ideal woman, and then his vision comes to life.  It sounds pretty similar to the Disney film coming out in August, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, in which barren parents write their ideal vision of a child, which then suddenly comes into existence.  The difference is that Ruby Sparks is not a kids’ movie and is from the folks who made Little Miss Sunshine, another “cute” film that was surprisingly good.  So this one makes the list.  Disney doesn’t.

17.  Hysteria (May 18).  Okay, this one’s an art film.  But it stars Maggie Gyllenhaal, who is one of the few actresses I actually crush on and it’s about the invention of the vibrator.  So, it’s like a history seminar.  That’s how I’m justifying it, anyway.  Plus, it’ll be a good date movie.

16.  Total Recall (August 3rd).  I’m hopeful, but not optimistic….

15.  Argo (October 12).  A thinking-person’s action film starring Ben Affleck, Bryan Cranston and John Goodman and directed by Affleck about a CIA rescue of Americans being held hostage.

14.  Dredd (September 21).  It’s a comic book movie.  I pretty much have to see it.

13.  Moonrise Kingdom (May 25th).  A Wes Anderson film with Bill Murray.  And Ed Norton.  No, no guns or capes.  But I’m so there.

12.  Lawless (August 31st).  Bane in the old West!  A Depression-era gangster film written by Nick Cave and starring Tom Hardy, Shia LaBeouf, Guy Pearce, and Gary Oldman, among others.

11.  Killing Them Softly (September 21).  A hitman movie starring Brad Pitt and Ray Liotta.  How can you not be looking forward to this?

10.  The Expendables 2 (August 17).  I imagine it’ll be like the first one, only even more ridiculous.  Can’t wait.  Plus, we’ll Stallone and Schwarzenegger on the screen together.

9.  G.I. Joe: Retaliation (June 28).  People hate on the first one, but I really liked it.

8.  The Bourne Legacy (August 3rd).  The first three were all solid actioners.  This is not a reboot, but it will feature a new star (Jeremy Renner) as the titular amnesiac super agent.  And although Tony Gilroy is a new director for the franchise, he did write the first three.  So, this should be good.

7.  Skyfall (November 9).  New James Bond.  ‘Nuff said.

6.  Zero Dark Thirty (a.k.a. Kathryn Bigelow’s Untitled Osama Bin Laden movie) (December 19).  She’s more than proven herself with movies like Hurt Locker and Blue Steel.  This WILL be one of the best movies of the year.

5.  Prometheus (June 8).  It’s Ridley Scott doing what looks like an Alien prequel.  I don’t think it is remotely possible that this won’t be amazing.

4.  The Pirates! Band of Misfits (April 27).  From the dude who makes Wallace and Gromit.  Looks to be the funniest kid friendly movie of the summer.

3.  The Amazing Spider-Man (July 3).  The trailers are making me worry, but this has to be in my top 3.

2.  The Dark Knight Rises (July 20th).  Duh.

1.  The Avengers (May 4).  Double duh.

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