A few sample quotes:
“You worry too much. Eat some bacon… What? No, I got no idea if it’ll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.”
“The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out.”
“Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don’t waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down.”
“Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food. Why’s he gotta do a trick first? YOU don’t have to do shit before YOU eat.”
“I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it…No, I’m not gonna stop, I’m just saying yes, I get that concept.”
“Anytime someone sells you food in a sack, it’s not a sack of food, it’s a sack of shit.”
“It’s just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?”
All from “Shit My Dad Says.” (link)
