How do you do a Spider-Man movie where Uncle Ben never says “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility?”

That’s, like, the whole character right there.

Plus: Tons of plot threads that never went anywhere and ridiculousness:  The hunt for the burglar plotline is dropped, as is the bloody handprint (and why was his hand bloody in the first place?); how is it a boy genius never googled his dad before?; why are there lizards in the sewers of NY…and why didn’t Spidey stink to high heaven when he left the sewers, anyway?; and how is it such an “honorable” boy takes credit for the algorithm he never created?  The characters don’t make sense, the use of his parents as a plotline (that never really goes anywhere) serves only to dilute his relationship with Aunt May and Uncle Ben….And what 90 year old wrote the script?  “Mother hugger?”  Really?  That’s the funniest Spidey can be?

I could go on and on, but it’s just not a good movie.

But it could have been.  If they’d just tried a little harder.

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