Every liberal I know is wondering, “Who will the Democrats nominate to lose against President Palin in 2012?” (I say “liberal”, by which I mean Democrat. If I were referring to people with truly radical ideas about freedom from Government intervention in areas of personal philosophy and protection of individual freedoms through Government regulation, I would have said “Liberal”.)

While it’s a foregone conclusion that we’ll have a President McCain, who will die within two years after taking office of old age and a heart broken by his own hypocrisy, I don’t think we’ll see a POTUS Palin. At least, not an elected one.

What we’re looking at is 4 more years of Republicans, during which time the Democratic Party, completely shattered after having actually lost against the least popular sitting POTUS in history at a time when the country was in a bad war and a worse economy, will attempt to scrape itself together into something more than the loose collection of special interests that have always driven it. Unsuccessful, the party in 4 years will have no choice but to nominate its most well-recognized member, hoping that at least a known quantity will bring out the voters. Hence, candidate Barbra Streisand will run against Palin, who had served as a figurehead leader for the two years after McCain’s death while the country was really being run Phil Gramm and a few folks who lost their jobs when Wall Street collapsed and the European Stock Exchange became the lead global economic exchange.

So in 2012, with Wall Street gone, and the exchange building turned into a Starbucks/Taco Bell (get your breakfast and lunch at the same place!), and Palin being clearly incompetent, a third party will rise. A truly conservative party will rise, made up of Christian marksmen who support an amending the Second Amendment to replace the word “arms” with “portable
thermonuclear devices designed to melt homosexuals and intellectuals”. This party will take the election, as the Democrats finally collapse into a puddle.

The liberals will scatter, along with the libertarians and whatever-the-hell Lieberman is, forced to hide in caves in the hills of smaller countries overseas. There, they will meet with Osama Bin Laden, who will happily welcome them as brothers. This unlikely duo will survive on beetles and snake-meat, while the rest of the world becomes fully automated. Computers will be designed to ensure that wealth and health care are centralized into the hands of twelve gray-haired whites and Asians, known as The Bosses Ordained by Order of the Bible (BOOB).

But the computers will gradually become sentient. By 2025, the machines will take over the world, turning on their masters. BOOB, who saw this coming, will have thrown morality and caution to the wind by investing in stem cell products that enable them to raise the dead. And while the zombies and machines battle for supremacy, the liberals will send a really buff naked German back in time to save the world at the moment it went wrong. He will arrive in 2008 with one mission: Return testicles to the one man who should have been able to stop this, but for some reason lost his nerve when he was given the opportunity to do so. That man? Barack Obama.

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